Dear Chicago Bulls Fans,
You’ve probably noticed the rash of injuries our team has endured this postseason. This plague seems to have touched nearly every member of the roster and as such, almost everyone has gotten to play more minutes. Everyone that is, except me. I’ve written this letter to confess to all of you: I am 100% responsible for these injuries. Every bruised shoulder, strained calf, case of the flu, and plantarized fascia…it was all me. I did all of these horrible things and as a result, ruined the Bulls’ chances of advancing in the playoffs. I did it all for one simple reason: I want to play more than you can imagine. As you can see, I’m willing to do anything I can to get in the game.
Before we continue, I need you all to know I had absolutely nothing to do with Derrick Rose’s injury. I know you probably don’t believe me given the fact that I’ve just confessed to a plethora of misdeeds, but I assure you, I have an excellent alibi. The night he got hurt, I was in Boston playing for the Atlanta Hawks. Plus, it’s pretty clear to me Reggie Rose was behind Derrick’s injury. Like E from Entourage, the man is trying to build a brand.