To: Mrs. Anucha Browne Sanders
RE: Our next movie project
I’m so happy to hear that you and the League are excited to start production on another feature film. My production team and I have decided to incorporate. We will heretofore be known as Bout Dis Life Studios.
In regards to your suggestion for our next project, I appreciate your enthusiasm, but I don’t think remaking Chicago is a great idea. I’m not sure we could convince any NBA players to do choreographed dance numbers in fishnets. Instead, I’d like our next project to be a remake of Con Air. Here’s a treatment:
Zach Randolph slowly opened his eyes. The white noise of flight had put him in a deep slumber, but now he was awake and couldn’t believe his eyes. At the front of the plane, DeMarcus Cousins stood with a wry grin on his face. The plane’s pilot was laid out in front of Cousins, breathing yet unconscious. From the rear of the aircraft, Randolph heard raucous cheering and whooping. Across the aisle, Randolph saw Adam Silver. He looked legitimately terrified. Not “announcing the Knicks’ pick in front of a drunk crowd of New Yorkers”-terrified. His eyes had real fear in them.
“Change of plans. We aren’t going to New York any more, boys,” Cousins announced.
Randolph slumped down in his chair. He turned to his friend and former teammate, Darius Miles and said in a low voice, “This is going to be one bad day.”